9 Things – Just how important is family ministry?

This is the 2^nd post in the series 9 Things I’ve learned about Family Ministry – but will cover more than just 1 thing in this particular entry.  There is a debate going on between Family Ministry and Children’s Ministry that raises a host of critical questions:

• Is Children’s ministry Biblical?
• Does age-segregated programming make sense?
• How much effort should be invested in equipping parents?
• Can the church do both Children’s ministry and Family ministry effectively?
• Is the role of the Children’s pastor different now because of Family ministry?

9 Things I've Learned About Family Ministry

These really are questions that should be considered and pondered because we seem to be coming upon cross-roads which will define the future of the church – not just in Children’s & Family Ministry, but in many other areas as well.  So, let’s take a look at God’s word to see what it has to say…assuming we agree that the Bible has something to say about this topic??? 

Most of you reading this know the passages that reference how important family ministry is – Deuteronomy 6 & Psalm 78 in particular – but let me take a big picture approach to this.

In the Great Commission (Matt. 28:19-20) we are called to “Go and make Disciples,” a clear command from Jesus before he ascends into Heaven.  But that call did not just start after Jesus lived, died and rose again; it existed since the Creation.  Check out the comparison between the Great Commission and the First Commandment (Gen 1:28) where we are called to fill the earth with worshippers:

There is a definitive link between the call of the Church to make disciples and the call of the Family to bear and raise their children to be Godly disciples.  This is also echoed in what Peter preaches at the end of Acts 2:

“Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.  The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off – for all whom the Lord our God will call” (Acts 2:38-39 – italics mine).

Did you catch it?  The promise (referring to the Covenant Promise of God) is given to you, your kids, and the world!  The problem is that we often forget our kids as part of this equation and just focus on the 1) getting right with God and 2) going to make a difference in the world.  But, God seems to be telling us get right with God, get right with your spouse, get right with your kids, & get right with your church and that’s when together you can go make a difference in the world. [1]

So, just how important is family ministry?  Well according to this line of reasoning, it seems like it should be the main focus of what the church should be doing!  Instead, we focus on so many other things with in the church that seem to be secondary: small groups, community groups, Sunday services, youth ministry, children’s ministry, worship ministry and so on.  And while all of these are connected – and VERY important in and of themselves – we are missing the boat on what I believe is the key issue for the church today: a prophetic call for parents, especially fathers, to turn their hearts back to their children.  It’s that important!

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[1]For further development of this work see Dr. Rob Rienow’s “The Role of the Family in God’s Plan for the World”: http://visionaryfam.com/church-leaders/

9 Things - A Little Bit of My Story

This is a post I wrote for the Cory Center website, but thought it to be apropos for the Anchor Children's Ministry blog as well....

So, over the next 9 weeks or so I’ll be blogging about “9 Things I’ve Learned about Family Ministry” as a way to piggy back off of Ryan Frank’s new book, 9 Things They Didn’t Teach Me in College About Children’s Ministry.  I plan on focusing on various issues within the family ministry paradigm; things that I’ve along the way through my education at Bethel Seminary, reading of various family ministry resources and some of my own thoughts.  But, I’ll first start off with a little bit of my story…

9 Things I've Learned about Family Ministry

I grew up a pretty normal kid, going to church every week, going to public school from K through 12^th grade, went away to a private Christian college, got a job in the field of social work, got married, had a couple of kids, answered the call to ministry, started attending Seminary, had a few more kids and continued to expand from there.

So, why do I mention all that?  Well, to show that I’m just an average guy who’s trying to figure out how this whole family ministry idea fits within the framework we are to follow as Bible-believing Christians.  Our concern should not just be what the Bible says about it (though that certainly is MOST important) but also how do we encourage others to see what we see and follow what we follow – assuming we are striving to see and follow the right things – within God’s Word.  That’s what being a leader is all about…

So, as a leader, I take what I am learning and what God is teaching me, and attempt to share that with others in hopes to improve the current state of the church and it’s discipleship process.  And make no mistake, children’s & family ministry is certainly about discipleship; because parenting is about discipleship,  everything I do (or don’t do) with my kids should be aimed at teaching them to Love God and Love Others.  And because that responsibility falls on parents, everything we do as CFM leaders should be aimed at equipping THEM to fulfill that responsibility.

So over the next two months, here are the topics I’m going to cover:

• Just how important is it?
• Styles or Methods of Family Ministry
• List of resources, websites and leaders
• Should children worship with their parents?
• A picture of inter-generational faithfulness
• The Primary Plan for Evangelism & Discipleship
• The link between church & family
• Where will we go from here?

We would love to have you share your thoughts as we seek to delve into this topic of family ministry – hope you enjoy it.

A breakthrough I Didn't Know Was Needed

Ever have one of those moments that you didn't see coming at ya?  Tonight was one of those nights for me...

We recently started having intentional Family Worship times as a way to pass on faith to our kids.  Tonight, we used the Family Reading Bible and read through the story of Cain and Abel.  We talked about why Cain's offering wasn't acceptable and why Cain killed his brother.  I noticed my oldest, Isaac, was a little red eyed the entire time - something I attributed to the fact he had gotten into trouble before worship time for talking back.  I even asked him if he was all right...

When I mentioned that Jesus said even if we think hateful things in our head / heart it's the same thing as actually committed the act, Isaac said, "OK, I'm sorry - I have thought that about you.  I hated you."  He was talking to me!!  He told me that he has "wanted me gone" for a little more than two years now.  I did not see that coming - AND IT BROKE MY HEART!!

I gave him a hug, told him I love him - and confessed my own sin.  I had often been angry and shown that to him. While I've never gone off the deep end with my kids, I was most certainly being too hard on my kids.  I had NO idea Isaac thought this of me; moreover, I'm the Children's Pastor and yet one of my own children hated me (at least according to what he told me tonight).

Fathers, it's time to figure out just what our kids think of us!  It is not enough to just discipline our kids, we must show them they are LOVED above all us first.   The good news:  it's never too late!  Fathers, don't go another day without knowing for sure your kids are willing to hear your instruction.  Fast forward 30 years from now: what do you hope your son will say about his relationship with you?  Will he make it a priority?

This is the just the beginning for Isaac and I...

Slavery is Alive and Well

Lately, God has been laying a passion and compassion to bring attention to the global pandemic of child trafficking - specifically sex trafficking!  My spirit is in pain when I think of what is happening, right now, to children around this world at the hands of abusive and evil men.  I'm still in the process of doing some research of agencies that exist to help with this amazing area of need - and I have no idea where this will lead for me to help - but perhaps it will help to bring another "voice" into the mix.

I ran across this video after reading about the A21 Campaign - or you can check them out on Facebook - in an article in a magazine:

Here are a few other sites to check out:

• http://www.polarisproject.org
• http://www.childrenofthenight.org
• http://www.madebysurvivors.com/
• http://www.iast.net/
• http://www.endhumantrafficking.org/
• http://www.catwinternational.org/
• http://www.humantrafficking.org
• http://www.redeemedministries.net/

And, yes - it happens in the United States, too!  Another article exists HERE.  So what are we gonna do about it???

A little Straw Poll

This is a non-binding straw poll:


 

A Better Way

OK, so I've gotta get something off my chest - so allow me to vent for a brief moment!

What's up with the "in a relationship" statuses on Facebook?  I see tons (and I do mean tons) of young people's "relationship status" changing almost daily!  Going from single, to "in a relationship," to "it's complicated" all in a week's time!  Young people, take it from someone who's been there (albeit a loooong time ago):  THERE IS A BETTER WAY."

I realize that as God-created humans we have a need to be relationships - even ones with those of the opposite sex.  But I think we've gotten this whole relationship & dating thing all messed up!  Teens:  God doesn't want you to waste sooo much time on some random boy or girl, trying to "define" the relationship, then letting everyone know about it (through Facebook or otherwise).....He wants you to focus on the things that matter:  Loving Him, THEN loving others!  There is so much you have yet to experience, memories to be made - but you are so focused on the present you cannot see it, yet!

Parents:  help your teenage sons and daughters understand that being "in a relationship" is not the epitome of the teenage existence!!!  There is much that God has in store for your child/children - encourage them to spend time on that!  Help them understand that all that relationship "stuff" will work itself out as we follow Him.  Dads, let your daughters know they don't need to seek the approval from anyone other than you and their Heavenly Father.  Moms, let your sons know you love them unconditionally no matter what!

When I was in high school and even college, I spent an incredible amount of time trying to figure out who I could "go out" with or who would be my girlfriend.  It was a waste of time!!!  Instead, 5 months after finally deciding I would "Kiss Dating Goodbye" I met the love of my life.  She will even tell you that the first thing out of my mouth after meeting her was "Hi, my name is Dean and I'm NOT interested in a relationship."  That turned out to be a challenge for her - and she won!!!!

OK, I'm done with that rant!  Thanks for listening!

Book Review - Our Home is like a Little Church

I recently ran across a wonderful "new" resource for homes with young children desires to be a Faith@Home family.  They folks at Sojourn Community Church Kid's Ministry were kind enough to send me a copy of the book to review.

This book, "Our Home is Like a Little Church," is a children's book that tells the story of how "Pastor Dad" leads a family in passing on Faith to his kids.  It's a rhyming book - which kids TOTALLY dig - and has some great visuals to go with it!  I briefly showed it to a couple of families here at church and they immediately said they wanted one.  I read it my kids a couple of nights ago and they loved it as well.

This resource speaks the truth of God's word that our homes is where we are to live out our faith 24/7 - and not just as a 1 hour Christian on Sunday mornings.  The home is the front line of battle to win the hearts and lives of children - a war we are fighting against the powers of Hell and Satan.  Will you stand and fight against the tide of seeing young people walk away from the church?  I highly recommend getting this book NOW so we don't loose anymore of our kids!

Family Worship Guide

A Family Pastor, Rob Rienow from Wheaton Bible Church and Visionary Parenting, has put together Family Worship Guide to help families conduct some Worship events in their own homes.  This guide coincides which what is traditionally known as Ascension Week - the time when Jesus rose to Heaven and commissioned the Disciples.  Thought I would pass it along to you!
Family Worship Guide From VP

Blessing of Your Home

Mark Holmen visited our church last week and conducted a Parenting Workshop.  One of the things he talked about was conducting a Home Blessing.  I went online and did a little research and found a few helpful resources.  The one I like the best is this one:

Home Blessing

Here are a few more:

http://ezinearticles.com/?House-Blessings---Bless-Yours-NOW!&id=120835

http://www.hannahscupboard.com/ST-house-blessing.html

http://homepages.sover.net/~hkfamily/Pages/HouseBlessing.html

If you live in the Thumb area of Michigan or attend CWMC and would like help conducting this ceremony, give me a shout!

God Bless

How is the Family Different? - A Facebook Comment Transplant

A Co-Worker recently asked a great question on Facebook that I think has implications for how we do Kid's & Family Ministry, so I thought I would share it here:

In what ways has the concept of "the family" changed from Biblical times until now? In what ways do conservative Christians view "the family" similarly and differently than they did in the New Testament era? In what ways are these changes good and in what ways are they not so good?

There were several responses, but here are my initial thoughts:

The definition and make up of family has changed drastically over the centuries - and it is hard to put labels on those, but here are a few:

1) Extended Family vs. Nuclear Family - in NT extended families living in the same abode (or on the same compound) was common place.  Aunts, Uncles, G-parents, cousins grew up and often stayed in the same area their whole life.  Nowadays, in CC circles, extended families are the exception and not the norm.  Of course, nuclear families in the "traditional sense" (mom, dad, kids in one house) is quickly becoming the exception as well.  This is not a statement of good or bad, just one of observation - but one that does carry implications for ministry

2) Transience - families today are far more mobile than they were in the OT.  Simply b/c of the inability to cover vast areas of land easily and quickly, families in OT and NT times most often just stayed together.  Today, children are often living in different states and different countries than where they grew up and where their parents may be.

3)  Individual vs. Corporate - Families are far more isolative today than in Biblical times.  When we lived in Colorado, the neighborhood I lived in looked like cattle stockyards b/c everyone had a 6 ft privacy fence keep their own piece of land separated from everyone else's.  Also, with the invention of the garage and garage door opener, families never even have to come in contact with others if they choose to.  They simply press a button to open and close their home without ever being seen.

4)  Family size - Families today are far smaller than in Biblical times as well.  I couldn't venture a guess what family size was back then, but I would imagine it is far more than the 1.8 kids per families today.  On the surface this doesn't seem like a big deal, but when you understand the reasons behind having numerous children back in OT & NT times, it becomes a bigger issue:  kids for working the family business/farm, kids to carry on the beliefs and values of the Spiritual family are just 2 of them. 

5)  Priorities & Values - Overall the values and priorities of the family has changed drastically.  It seems one of the main thrusts of the family in the OT & NT was to promote certain values or at the least maintain certain priorities - maintaining a certain level of livelihood was one of them (i.e., you grew crops and raised cattle to make a living and to be able to eat vs. going to the grocery store and buying whatever is needed). 

The priorities and values of our families today show a very different culture.  With the rise of entertainment - music, sports, computer technology, etc. - families have shifted into focusing on things that they believe will benefit their kids more in the long run.  Not that these things are BAD in and of themselves, but I often wonder what is being left out to make room for all of these things?

6)  Outsourcing – We have become a nation that outsources just about everything.  We get our kids lessons for sports, music lessons, tutoring, spiritual training, etc.  We buy our groceries at a store rather than grow them ourselves.  We use technology to outsource our entertainment so kids don’t have to entertain themselves.  In part, this has been driven by necessity – working 40-70 hours a week doesn’t leave a lot of time for other things.  But there are also choices the family has made to value certain things over others; so to make time for those things we see how we can cut time to “make room” for it all.

7)  Maturity & Rite of Passage - By and large, in European and American cultures, the age of maturity and marriageability has risen since OT & NT times.  We tend to think of young people not being adults until they reach 18-21 years of age; and even then they not really ready to be married until much later in their twenties.  This wasn't the case for a LOOOOONG time!  A Rite of Passage typically took place (Bar Mitzvahs, Bat Mitzvahs in Jewish culture) took place at age 13-16 - and it is then they were marriage eligible.  You still see this in various cultures around the world - Quinceanera, for example - but by and large has gone by the wayside.

That’s all I got to say about that…..

What are your thoughts????

Focus on the Family & Colonial Woods

It's too soon to give all the details, but coming very soon Colonial Woods will be hosting a Faith @ Home Church Seminar the weekend of May 1st & 2nd with the Missionary Church's own Mark Holmen.  This event is being sponsored by the Michigan District of the Missionary Church.

There will be several components to the weekend - some for church leaders from across the Blue Water and Thumb of Michigan AND for parents who wish to take the next step in discipleship of their kids.  You can find out about how FOTF and Faith @ Home are partnering by going to their WEBSITE.

So stay tuned to find out more details as they become available.

"Dear God...."

ere are some letters to God from Elementary Kids.  Read and enjoy!

The Race is On for our Kids

I ran across this recording from a website - Visionary Parenting - and needed to share with all of you.  Dr. Rob Rienow is the Family Pastor at Wheaton Bible Church in Wheaton, IL.  It's a little long, but you could listen to it while checking out Facebook, your email or other work.

Here is the description from Dr. Rienow's website:

How effective is your Children's Ministry at supporting parents and helping children discover and grow in Christ?  This message from Rob Rienow was given to the 200 Children's Ministry leaders/volunteers at Wheaton Bible Church. Please consider sharing this message with the Children's team at your church. Listen by clicking below, or download via the podcast link. After listening to the message, view the powerpoint (warning: VERY graphic) that Rob refers to HERE!


Our kids are being sought after HIGHLY by Satan - will we win the fight for the next generation?  Are we being the parents God wants us to be in carrying out our MAIN purpose in our families?  


In Him, Dean

Repost: To Santa or Not to Santa?

One topic of debate this time of year for Christan Families centers around the issue/person of Santa Clause. Do we tell our kids about Santa? Do they get gifts "From: Santa?" What's the harm in pretending that Santa does exist?

Here are some of the issues so that you can decide.

Cons
1) Santa Claus is often given the same qualities as God: Omniscience and Omnipotence, specifically.

2) Santa keeps a list of our rights and wrongs. God does not.

3) Telling kids that Santa exists, when in fact he doesn't, sets up your kids for disappointment (not to mention you are lying to them).

Pros
1) Saint Nick was a real person and we could teach about him and his ministry.

2) James Dobson says it's OK.

3) Kids pretend all the time - to be a Princess or a Jedi - this is no different.

So, what do you think? What stance has your family taken? Has the question of whether or not to "believe" in Santa ever come up?

Food for thought, Dean

Parents ONLY!!!

I have no idea if this will help any of you with where you are in life with your kiddos but I ran across this site today, and I'm just gonna pass it along.

The Porn Talk site is a comprehensive site for helping parents have difficult conversations with their kids about sexuality and pornography.

For His Glory, Dean

This may come as a surprise

I know this is going to be a huge shock for you, but it appears the Gosselin children are beginning to act out!  Duhn, duhn duhn.......  The last few months have been wracked with pain, jealousy, anger and bitterness between John and Kate; and all is not well in the perfect little world of Kate.  OK, you've got to read this quote:


"'I'm trying to give them the grace to see, if they’re acting out of line, I'm trying to look deeper into why that is," she says in the article. "Why the kids are acting out. Cause it’s all inter-related. I mean, they don’t see it, but it’s all interconnected'."


What????  Why are the kids acting out????  IT'S BECAUSE THEIR PARENTS ARE MUD-SLINGING AT EACH OTHER AND YOU'VE TORN THEIR WORLD APART!!!  


It doesn't take any analyzing or seeing how things are inter-related!!!  The only thing that is going to make it any better (besides a complete miracle of God) is to let them say what they want to say and grovel for their forgiveness!!!  Once you've done that, then you can begin to rebuild their trust in you as their parents - and with that trust will come obedience!


There is a bigger purpose for this post, though.  There are families in churches all across our country that are right now going through divorce and CHOOSING to ignore Biblical truth for their own selfish desires.  I know this is messy, ugly and nasty stuff, and from a human and emotional perspective, I get it!  But long before divorce papers are filed, long before bitterness and apathy forms - married couples must be willing to step and say "Enough is enough!  I don't like living this way and I want to make this work!!!"  If you are on that edge in your marriage, talk to someone who will encourage and help you bring peace and reconciliation back into your relationship.


Dean


PS - Sorry about the "rawness" of this post, but I am pretty passionate about this topic - especially right now.

How do you view children?

I ran across this sign today and wanted to share it with you:

Clearly in God's word children are called a blessing, yet in our culture they are often treated as a nuisance, a distraction and a hindrance to our success.  Just last week as my family and I (Remember, 5 kids and 2 adults) were entering a restaurant, my wife noticed a rather judgmental glance from one of the other patrons.  After sitting down and ordering our drinks, that same lady walked over on her way out and said, "When I first saw you guys coming, I thought 'Oh, No?!?;' but you have a wonderful family."

[Caveat - we have our moments!]

If we truly think children are a blessing, we will praise the families that choose to accept as many as God blesses them with.  I'm not saying everyone needs to have 4, 5, 6 or more children - I am simply stating that in our culture - WE HAVE IT BACKWARDS!  We easily take on things that the Bible calls a curse, and just as quickly reject what the Bible calls a blessing.

In Him, Dean

Stepping Up His Game

Last year NFL Quarterback Vince Young had a breakdown under the pressure of life. This year, he's stepping up his game - at least as far as real life is concerned. After the death of Steve McNair earlier this year, Vince decided to step into the lives of Steve's two boys: Trenton & Tyler.

"Those are my boys,'' Young told The Tennessean. "I wouldn't say it was to pay anyone back; it was just out of love. Steve would do it for me. He pretty much did it for me when I was growing up." Seems Vince and Steve knew each other long before becoming teammates.

Quite the dramatic turn-around in his life. Almost as maybe Someone is orchestrating it???

Google Search: Why Did I Get Married

If you've come to this site from Google, read below!!!!!!!!! Oh year, everyone else too.

OK, so you see that little Site Meter Stats box down a little bit on the right? That is a little way I can track how many people have visited Anchor CM's blog. It also tells me:

• Where they live - Port Huron, Toledo, etc.
• What Internet service provider they are using - Comcast, Verizon, etc.
• What pages or blog entries they visited
• what web browser - Internet Explorer, FireFox, etc., and
• How they came across my website - Linked from another blog, etc.

So get this: the overwhelming reason people visit my site has NOTHING to do with Children's Ministry or Colonial Woods (the church I work in)!!! I get at least 5 visits per day people referred from the Google search: why did I get married. A while back I had a couple of posts talking about those popular films by Tyler Perry using them as a springboard to encourage us to be more vulnerable with our spouse.

Now, I find that interesting because I wonder why people are searching for the answer to that question. Is it because they are looking for information on the movie? Or are they searching for answers to that question for THEMSELVES??? Given our current culture and the rate of divorce in our nation, it wouldn't surprise me that people might just be turning to the Internet to give me a 1 good reason why they should stay married.

Perhaps I am reading more into this that what is necessary, but what if people do happen to stop by this site on their search for answers? What should we tell them? What would you tell them? If I had to give the one answer as to why they should stay married, it is for the reason that you got married to begin with!!!!!!!!!!

You're asking the right question - why did U get married - because the reason you got married should be the SAME reason you STAY married. What is that reason? Depends.....

• Because I couldn't imagine spending my life without her.
• Because I came alive when I met her (had to borrow that one, but it's TRUE).
• Because there is no one on earth like her.
• Because my Love for her is only bettered by God's Love for me.

What would you say to that person if you knew someone was reading this blog and asking "Why am I married?"

Dean

President's Speech - So Any thoughts?

Whether you watched "The Speech" here or somewhere else (or not at all), do you have any thoughts on what the President said? Basically, it seems to have come and gone much like any other thing politicians seem to say.

The President seemed to focus on the broad topic of Personal Responsibility - a topic also well covered in the Bible. Nothing earth shattering or that upsetting in the speech....except I do have one thought.

As believers, we are called to have Christ at the VERY CENTER of our lives. Seemingly everything we do and say should be done with keeping Him there. So, the millions of lost people that saw this video today: Did it help them come any closer to a relationship with their Creator? Did it help the thousands (likely more) Christian kids in public schools grow any deeper in their walk with Christ? See I don't have an issue with the President speaking to the kids in our schools...I think with parental notification and coaching they SHOULD watch the video. What I struggle with is whether or not this helps our kids and families to KNOW God more? (Even if I do not favor his opinoins and policies, his story is one many public school kids can relate to!)

I think it can if the parents step into that process. Human behavior defaults to the sinful and negative side of things. We must be intentional in teaching our kids to see God and take on Biblical values. If we leave things up to "nature," our kids will not come to it on their own. And if we believe that God's Word is sufficient for ALL OF LIFE, then a speech by some guy in a powerful office won't even phase them - one way or another.

But just don't leave it hanging there either. Take this and ANY opportunity to teach your kids about God and His Word to us.

Dean

PS - The pic is one of an actual cover off Time Magazine back in 2007. You can read the article online HERE.