9 Things – Just how important is family ministry?

This is the 2^nd post in the series 9 Things I’ve learned about Family Ministry – but will cover more than just 1 thing in this particular entry.  There is a debate going on between Family Ministry and Children’s Ministry that raises a host of critical questions:

• Is Children’s ministry Biblical?
• Does age-segregated programming make sense?
• How much effort should be invested in equipping parents?
• Can the church do both Children’s ministry and Family ministry effectively?
• Is the role of the Children’s pastor different now because of Family ministry?

9 Things I've Learned About Family Ministry

These really are questions that should be considered and pondered because we seem to be coming upon cross-roads which will define the future of the church – not just in Children’s & Family Ministry, but in many other areas as well.  So, let’s take a look at God’s word to see what it has to say…assuming we agree that the Bible has something to say about this topic??? 

Most of you reading this know the passages that reference how important family ministry is – Deuteronomy 6 & Psalm 78 in particular – but let me take a big picture approach to this.

In the Great Commission (Matt. 28:19-20) we are called to “Go and make Disciples,” a clear command from Jesus before he ascends into Heaven.  But that call did not just start after Jesus lived, died and rose again; it existed since the Creation.  Check out the comparison between the Great Commission and the First Commandment (Gen 1:28) where we are called to fill the earth with worshippers:

There is a definitive link between the call of the Church to make disciples and the call of the Family to bear and raise their children to be Godly disciples.  This is also echoed in what Peter preaches at the end of Acts 2:

“Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.  The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off – for all whom the Lord our God will call” (Acts 2:38-39 – italics mine).

Did you catch it?  The promise (referring to the Covenant Promise of God) is given to you, your kids, and the world!  The problem is that we often forget our kids as part of this equation and just focus on the 1) getting right with God and 2) going to make a difference in the world.  But, God seems to be telling us get right with God, get right with your spouse, get right with your kids, & get right with your church and that’s when together you can go make a difference in the world. [1]

So, just how important is family ministry?  Well according to this line of reasoning, it seems like it should be the main focus of what the church should be doing!  Instead, we focus on so many other things with in the church that seem to be secondary: small groups, community groups, Sunday services, youth ministry, children’s ministry, worship ministry and so on.  And while all of these are connected – and VERY important in and of themselves – we are missing the boat on what I believe is the key issue for the church today: a prophetic call for parents, especially fathers, to turn their hearts back to their children.  It’s that important!

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[1]For further development of this work see Dr. Rob Rienow’s “The Role of the Family in God’s Plan for the World”: http://visionaryfam.com/church-leaders/

Tale of the Times?

I recently received this cartoon clipping in the mail:

Of course, this does send a message about the modern understanding of church and Christianity - that God resides inside the four walls of the church and we don't have to worry about having to interact with Him throughout the week.

And I wonder if the looks like the faces of other people are sending a message ?  "Wait, we have children who attend here?"...or..."Doesn't he know we don't shout in church?"  But, maybe it's just me reading too much into Sunday morning comics...

A breakthrough I Didn't Know Was Needed

Ever have one of those moments that you didn't see coming at ya?  Tonight was one of those nights for me...

We recently started having intentional Family Worship times as a way to pass on faith to our kids.  Tonight, we used the Family Reading Bible and read through the story of Cain and Abel.  We talked about why Cain's offering wasn't acceptable and why Cain killed his brother.  I noticed my oldest, Isaac, was a little red eyed the entire time - something I attributed to the fact he had gotten into trouble before worship time for talking back.  I even asked him if he was all right...

When I mentioned that Jesus said even if we think hateful things in our head / heart it's the same thing as actually committed the act, Isaac said, "OK, I'm sorry - I have thought that about you.  I hated you."  He was talking to me!!  He told me that he has "wanted me gone" for a little more than two years now.  I did not see that coming - AND IT BROKE MY HEART!!

I gave him a hug, told him I love him - and confessed my own sin.  I had often been angry and shown that to him. While I've never gone off the deep end with my kids, I was most certainly being too hard on my kids.  I had NO idea Isaac thought this of me; moreover, I'm the Children's Pastor and yet one of my own children hated me (at least according to what he told me tonight).

Fathers, it's time to figure out just what our kids think of us!  It is not enough to just discipline our kids, we must show them they are LOVED above all us first.   The good news:  it's never too late!  Fathers, don't go another day without knowing for sure your kids are willing to hear your instruction.  Fast forward 30 years from now: what do you hope your son will say about his relationship with you?  Will he make it a priority?

This is the just the beginning for Isaac and I...

Slavery is Alive and Well

Lately, God has been laying a passion and compassion to bring attention to the global pandemic of child trafficking - specifically sex trafficking!  My spirit is in pain when I think of what is happening, right now, to children around this world at the hands of abusive and evil men.  I'm still in the process of doing some research of agencies that exist to help with this amazing area of need - and I have no idea where this will lead for me to help - but perhaps it will help to bring another "voice" into the mix.

I ran across this video after reading about the A21 Campaign - or you can check them out on Facebook - in an article in a magazine:

Here are a few other sites to check out:

• http://www.polarisproject.org
• http://www.childrenofthenight.org
• http://www.madebysurvivors.com/
• http://www.iast.net/
• http://www.endhumantrafficking.org/
• http://www.catwinternational.org/
• http://www.humantrafficking.org
• http://www.redeemedministries.net/

And, yes - it happens in the United States, too!  Another article exists HERE.  So what are we gonna do about it???

A little Straw Poll

This is a non-binding straw poll:


 

Is Serving Optional?

If you've followed this blog or the Anchor Children's Ministry Facebook page for very long, then you know how often I put messages out there about needed volunteer and service opportunities.  In fact, you may say to yourself, "Man, he sure is needy!"  LOL.  But, on top of trying to fill open service positions within Children's Ministry, there is a much bigger picture at stake here:  Our on-going relationship with Christ!

As Christians we are called to model our lives after Jesus - He is to be our Ultimate Example (among other things) in life!  He is the one we are supposed to pattern our lives after!  So, the question becomes "Why did Jesus come to earth in the first place?"  (You know where I'm going with this.....)

You remember the argument that James and John - and their mother - had with Jesus about who was going to sit  at the right and left hands of God???  The Sons of Zebedee wanted to know how to be great!  Jesus' answer would I'm sure have been rather shocking:  If you want to be great, you must become a slave / servant to each other!

"Huh!?!?!?  Jesus came to serve?  But, he's the Son of God - the One who created the world.  He shouldn't be serving anyone, but should be served by us!"  As followers of Christ, if we truly desire to be committed to Him, WE MUST SERVE!!!!!  There is no way around it.  In fact, the Bible is riddled with verses and themes about serving others.

Fellow Believers - Serving is NOT optional!  If you simply come to church every week, maybe give a little money, then go home - you are NOT following Christ.  You may be a Christian - but you are not a Christ Follower!  We are CALLED to serve!

Are you willing to step up to the plate?  Do you want to make a difference in the lives of your kids?  Service opportunities abound - will you answer the call?!?

Lead Me - From Sanctus Real

Fathers:  in light of Father's Day yesterday, and the fact that our wives and children are SCREAMING for us to lead them, this video is just what I needed!!!!

Lead Me-Father's Day from Ryan Black Films on Vimeo.

Song is sung my Sanctus Real.  Here is the story behind the song from Matt:

The Story Behind "Lead Me" - Sanctus Real from BrightBulb Entertainment on Vimeo.

A Better Way

OK, so I've gotta get something off my chest - so allow me to vent for a brief moment!

What's up with the "in a relationship" statuses on Facebook?  I see tons (and I do mean tons) of young people's "relationship status" changing almost daily!  Going from single, to "in a relationship," to "it's complicated" all in a week's time!  Young people, take it from someone who's been there (albeit a loooong time ago):  THERE IS A BETTER WAY."

I realize that as God-created humans we have a need to be relationships - even ones with those of the opposite sex.  But I think we've gotten this whole relationship & dating thing all messed up!  Teens:  God doesn't want you to waste sooo much time on some random boy or girl, trying to "define" the relationship, then letting everyone know about it (through Facebook or otherwise).....He wants you to focus on the things that matter:  Loving Him, THEN loving others!  There is so much you have yet to experience, memories to be made - but you are so focused on the present you cannot see it, yet!

Parents:  help your teenage sons and daughters understand that being "in a relationship" is not the epitome of the teenage existence!!!  There is much that God has in store for your child/children - encourage them to spend time on that!  Help them understand that all that relationship "stuff" will work itself out as we follow Him.  Dads, let your daughters know they don't need to seek the approval from anyone other than you and their Heavenly Father.  Moms, let your sons know you love them unconditionally no matter what!

When I was in high school and even college, I spent an incredible amount of time trying to figure out who I could "go out" with or who would be my girlfriend.  It was a waste of time!!!  Instead, 5 months after finally deciding I would "Kiss Dating Goodbye" I met the love of my life.  She will even tell you that the first thing out of my mouth after meeting her was "Hi, my name is Dean and I'm NOT interested in a relationship."  That turned out to be a challenge for her - and she won!!!!

OK, I'm done with that rant!  Thanks for listening!

Book Review - Our Home is like a Little Church

I recently ran across a wonderful "new" resource for homes with young children desires to be a Faith@Home family.  They folks at Sojourn Community Church Kid's Ministry were kind enough to send me a copy of the book to review.

This book, "Our Home is Like a Little Church," is a children's book that tells the story of how "Pastor Dad" leads a family in passing on Faith to his kids.  It's a rhyming book - which kids TOTALLY dig - and has some great visuals to go with it!  I briefly showed it to a couple of families here at church and they immediately said they wanted one.  I read it my kids a couple of nights ago and they loved it as well.

This resource speaks the truth of God's word that our homes is where we are to live out our faith 24/7 - and not just as a 1 hour Christian on Sunday mornings.  The home is the front line of battle to win the hearts and lives of children - a war we are fighting against the powers of Hell and Satan.  Will you stand and fight against the tide of seeing young people walk away from the church?  I highly recommend getting this book NOW so we don't loose anymore of our kids!

Family Worship Guide

A Family Pastor, Rob Rienow from Wheaton Bible Church and Visionary Parenting, has put together Family Worship Guide to help families conduct some Worship events in their own homes.  This guide coincides which what is traditionally known as Ascension Week - the time when Jesus rose to Heaven and commissioned the Disciples.  Thought I would pass it along to you!
Family Worship Guide From VP

Blessing of Your Home

Mark Holmen visited our church last week and conducted a Parenting Workshop.  One of the things he talked about was conducting a Home Blessing.  I went online and did a little research and found a few helpful resources.  The one I like the best is this one:

Home Blessing

Here are a few more:

http://ezinearticles.com/?House-Blessings---Bless-Yours-NOW!&id=120835

http://www.hannahscupboard.com/ST-house-blessing.html

http://homepages.sover.net/~hkfamily/Pages/HouseBlessing.html

If you live in the Thumb area of Michigan or attend CWMC and would like help conducting this ceremony, give me a shout!

God Bless

New Resource: Faith Begins @ Home Dad

I will be reviewing a series of books by Mark and Maria Holmen from the Faith Begins @ Home Movement.  Here's the first one!

OK Men, it's time for a little 'man-to-man' talk!  Let me ask you a couple of questions:

• What is the most important thing you want to pass on to your children?
• What do you think when you hear that your child's faith will be a mirror image of your faith?
• What are you willing to do so that your, your children and grandchildren will one day enter eternal life in Heaven?

These are just some of the hard hitting questions Mark Holmen address in this new resource:  Faith Begins @ Home Dad.   This book will convict and inspire you to truly change the way you live your life and the priorities you have set up.  I found myself saying, "OUCH!" several times as I read through the first few chapters.  A short read, one that packs a powerful punch, you can finish it likely in just a few hours.  Even for people like me who fall asleep when they read!!!  

Challenge to Our Priorities

Mark lays out a clear challenge to the things dad often prioritize for our kids.  We all want various things for our children, not the least of which is a strong faith in Jesus; but do we act like faith matters?  "Here's the deal, dad:  You can raise your children to be a Cubs fan, a soccer star, an avid hunter, a straight A student or a successful business leader, but if they end up spending eternity in hell, will you be proud of what you did?"  Yup, that one hurt!

Challenge to Obey

Instead of asking WWJD - What would Jesus Do - the real question is WWJHYD - What would Jesus have YOU do?  When someone "gives you the bird" on the expressway, WWJHYD?  When you're on a trip alone in a hotel room, and pornography abounds, WWJHYD?  When you haven't read the Bible in a week but it's opening day of Tiger baseball, WWJHYD?  Men, are we living in obedience to God's Word?  

Challenge to Choose then Commit

"At the end of the day it comes down to a choice.  You have to choose whom you are going to serve. It is an unavoidable choice."  Left alone, children will NOT follow God - it is part of our fallen nature.  As parents, we have to intentionally show our children how to live for God.  No choice is STILL a choice - it's a choice to NOT follow Him.  

We must commit to spending time with Jesus and then passing that story down to our children.  Can we be as committed to our raising Godly children as much as we are committed to our favorite sports team?  Can we be committed to following Jesus even when "times are tough."  

Your Influence

Now the good news!  You still have the chance to turn things around!!!  Men, you have the 2nd most influential position in your child's spiritual development - 2nd only to your wife!  You exert more influence than pastors, sport figures, youth group, youth sponsors, and (believe it or not) well above their friends!  Are you ready to stand and fight for your kids to escape an eternity of fire and pain?  Are you ready to fight for your kids against the powers and schemes of Darkness?  It's time to take a STAND!!!

His, Dean Butterfield

This may come as a surprise

I know this is going to be a huge shock for you, but it appears the Gosselin children are beginning to act out!  Duhn, duhn duhn.......  The last few months have been wracked with pain, jealousy, anger and bitterness between John and Kate; and all is not well in the perfect little world of Kate.  OK, you've got to read this quote:


"'I'm trying to give them the grace to see, if they’re acting out of line, I'm trying to look deeper into why that is," she says in the article. "Why the kids are acting out. Cause it’s all inter-related. I mean, they don’t see it, but it’s all interconnected'."


What????  Why are the kids acting out????  IT'S BECAUSE THEIR PARENTS ARE MUD-SLINGING AT EACH OTHER AND YOU'VE TORN THEIR WORLD APART!!!  


It doesn't take any analyzing or seeing how things are inter-related!!!  The only thing that is going to make it any better (besides a complete miracle of God) is to let them say what they want to say and grovel for their forgiveness!!!  Once you've done that, then you can begin to rebuild their trust in you as their parents - and with that trust will come obedience!


There is a bigger purpose for this post, though.  There are families in churches all across our country that are right now going through divorce and CHOOSING to ignore Biblical truth for their own selfish desires.  I know this is messy, ugly and nasty stuff, and from a human and emotional perspective, I get it!  But long before divorce papers are filed, long before bitterness and apathy forms - married couples must be willing to step and say "Enough is enough!  I don't like living this way and I want to make this work!!!"  If you are on that edge in your marriage, talk to someone who will encourage and help you bring peace and reconciliation back into your relationship.


Dean


PS - Sorry about the "rawness" of this post, but I am pretty passionate about this topic - especially right now.

Repost: Why we homeschool?

It is a fact that, in America anyway, we live in a money driven society that requires people to work to make money in order to survive. A long way off are the days of Star Trek in which things can be replicated by a computer and consumed (a little shout out to my fellow Trekies). So how do families balance it all?

Should both husband and wife work? Can we make it on one salary? What if the two of you are at odds about this issue? It is an ever brewing and controversial topic in society and even more so in the church. As you may have guessed, or just know about us, my wife is a stay at home mom (SAHM).

Before our 1st child was born, we made the decision for her to stay at home, which has now turned into homeschooling (or will as my other three kids get older). We had to make tough financial choices along the way, some of which are not popular either; but we feel that this is God's design for our family (Deut. 6:4-9, 1 Timothy 5:14, Titus 2:4-5, Acts 20:28-29, Proverbs 27:23).

For us, the bigger issue is about Discipleship - something as believer's in Christ we are ALL called to be part of (Matt. 28:16-20). The more time I have with them, especially when they are young, the more likely it is that my faith will become their faith and will stick as they get older. (Of couse, it will change, but the roots of the faith start with our parents and childhood experiences.)

What are some of your thoughts?

Dean

How Early is too Early?

I read a recent article on Christianity Today's website spelling out one Christian professor's case for early marriage. (I find it intriguing that he works for a secular school in Texas...) The author does not give a specific age he has in mind, but one can figure he is talking about after HS from around 18-22 years of age; and he is definetly speaking about relationships and marriage in America and/or western culture - not of middle eastern or Indian arranged marriages of children as young as 8!!! If you haven't done so already, read through that article first.

Now, first off, I have not typically been a form of the group that publishes CT as I believe that have purposefully pushed a liberal agenda in the Church. So I was actually shocked, but pleasantly so, to see this article on the website (not sure if it is included in their print magazine). With that said, I believe this article makes some excellent points! I'm not going to get into the biological issues (since I am not a biologist or psychologist, nor have any interest to be so), but I do want to address one issue that I know will come up for most people reading the article.

Here is the question: "Don't young people need to get a college education so they can support themselves and any family? Doesn't that need to happen before they get tied down into a marriage and/or family?" Um, well, NO! I'm pretty sure that's not included as an 11th Commandment or anything.

So what's wrong for young persons to get married providing they show appropriate signs of faith, maturity and responsibility (which is key)? Yes, God has put some guidelines in place for our benefit, but not sure what those would entail in terms of early marriage??? Yes, sex and intimacy should be reserved until one is married (perhaps this should include even kissing - duh, duh, duh). For me, this hark ens back to a different discussion about the culture of college aged kids going off to school after HS rather than sticking around and starting to earn an income and attend a local community coll. or tech school. I think we perpetuate the problem by forcing kids to NOT take responsibility after HS by sending them to a school in which virtually all their expenses are paid for (tuition, R & B, books, etc.) b-4 entering the so call "real world."

OK, I'm not a crazy anti-education uber-conservative (I have both a Bachlor's and Master's Degree from fully accredited schools). But I think we have not only not listened to biology, but also to God's Word - "He who finds a wife (hear spouse), finds what is good."

I'm interested to "hear" what you have to say, so leave a comment or two.

So it begins again...

What you ask???? (Seriously, did you ask that?)

Recruiting for Fall Children's Ministry!!!

When I Grow Up... from Marty Taylor on Vimeo.

If you are interested, send me an email!

Dean

Why is Family Ministry Important?

I have posted before about the importance of Family Ministry and the necessity of parents discipling their kids in the home. Chances are you guys may even be sick of hearing me talk about it. But a lot of the reasons I am so passionate about family ministry are things that weigh heavily on my heart, and should be on ALL of our minds as Christians. Let me explain:

Reasons Why Family Ministry Should Be Important

1. It is Biblically mandated for the church and all Believers to teach the things of God to children (Psalm 78:1-8, Deuteronomy 6:1-9).
2. Jesus warned us not to hinder children from coming to him (Matthew 19:14).
3. The most effective way to make disciples is by raising them yourself! Having more children means more people for you to disciple (Matthew 28:19-20), which is the goal of the Christian life!
4. We are loosing Christians FASTER than we are replacing them! This includes stats from both new conversions and new births into Christian families. For more stats on this, listen to my previous post: Click Here!
5. If what happens in the home becomes the center of one's life, personality, goals, etc., then God NEEDS to be taught in the home. Otherwise God becomes someone one "does" once per week.
6. Kids will eventually grow up and become adults. If they are set to believe God is the center of their life, they are more likely to stay connected to Him when trials come and big decisions are made.
7. The end goal here is to produce Fully, Committed Disciples of Christ who go and make a difference in the world. We can all use reminders to keep that in mind while we make decisions for and about our kids: Homeschool, public school or Christian school; sports, music, community, or no activities; devotions at home or no devos at home, etc. KEEP THE END IN MIND!

This list is not exhaustive, but hopefully get people thinking. Do you have any "Reasons" to add?

Bring God into the Equation

Typically, when my family is out and about, we get lots of people looking at us - some even make comments about / to us. You see, with 5 kids we are one of the larger families in the area (Port Huron, MI). We hear things like:

• I could never do that!
• It's hard enough with the two that I have!
• She must be a saint! (Interesting they never say 'He' must be saint??)
• You know what causes that right?
• Are you done yet?

And those are more nicer comments!!! Let me say out of the shoot - these things are offensive to large families! They may seem like innocent comments, and we may laugh them off along with you; but at the heart of these comments us an un-Biblical, erroneous and sinful thought: That children are a burden and not a blessing! (Understand that I do NOT have anyone in particular in mind right now, but am making general comments on a personal blog.)

It is clear that God calls children a blessings - so why would I want to hinder that blessing? I have heard all the arguments and most of them stem back to selfish desires and wants. I AM NOT SAYING THAT EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A LARGE FAMILY!!! That is not the point! There are some families that have tried for years to have children but have been unable to. Honestly, that breaks my heart! I would love to see those couples be able to have as many children as they want, but that is NOT our call!

What I am saying is that we should allow God to influence the size of our family - whether that's 1 child or 18 blessings! We should prayerfully consider these decisions in light of God's Word and Wisdom. I can give you lots of reasons why we should limit our family size, but just about all of them are un-Biblical. I can give you an equal number of reasons why we should ALLOW God to have control of that area of our lives. At the very least, bring God into the equation! Talk with Him, ask Him, then wait for a response!

My wife has had 5 C-sections and we are not sure if her body can handle any more. But we are equally unsure if her body will handle 1 more, or 5 more. We are not going to be irrational about it - we trust and value the opinion of her OB-GYN (who is the best in the area according to just about everyone). We believe God will make it know when he wants us to be finished. We also believe God has given us wisdom and discernment to process through these decisions.

OK, I had to get that off my chest.

A True Story of Love

Dr. J. Robert McQuilken had been the President of Columbia Bible (International) College for nearly 22 years. But his wife, Muriel, came down with Alzheimer's and he found himself torn between to divine callings. He made the right choice!

If you would like, you can get more information about Dr. McQuilken's story HERE.

A Caveat To: Yet Another Huge Controversy

After talking with a dear friend (via email), I thought I would add a caveat to the previous post. This article is harsh! There is no question about it. For many of you it is offensive and judgemental. I DO NOT FULLY SUPPORT Dr. Baucham methods and do not necessarily fully support his conclusions, but I do think that homeschooling should be an option considered (via prayer, God's word, seeking the advice of wise believers and being given a genuine peace about the decision) when it comes to educating our children. And not just blown off as too radical to impossible without weighing out the pros and cons.

For some, this is simply not possible (single mothers, families in which both parents must work). For others, parents have chosen to have their families in the public schools to be a light for Christ. [Again, this is all under the assumption that parents are actively engaged in the learning process, which I think we all would agree should be the case.] So let me direct you to a more balanced article when it comes to the options for Christian parents to educate their children.

Pink Sun Drops: Homeschool vs. Private School vs. Public School

This blog entry does a nice job (it is rather long though) at laying out thoughts and questions to consider given where you are and if you are considering a change.

Also, since I put a link to a strong homeschooling article, I'll put on on a strong Public schooling option. This blog entry, in fact the entire blog, is written by a parent who purposefully sends their kids to public school. I have not read these blog entries fully yet, so will not comment on them now, but there are lots of voices out there talking about this.

Thoughts?